Early on in our lives, we begin to loose the sense of unconditional connection with the world, which we bring with us at birth. Being in the world, subsequently becomes a means of managing this separation, which in turn creates an underlying sense of anxiety. We therefore, try to re-create this unconditional safety and connection, often through seeking certainty in our relationship to people and things. In this sense, we might describe this as the underpinnings of materialism - We have things in the hope of feeling less alone, less fearful and more safe.
However, this pursuit often leads to an increasing sense of inner isolation and fragmentation. As the greater the emphasis on accumulation of things sought externally, the greater the movement from our own inner selves and subsequent capacity to provide this sense of unconditional love and acceptance within our own lives.
This sense of isolation and fragmentation and the feelings of anxiety associated with it, can become displaced into addictions, or obsessive/compulsive thinking and behaviours. In this sense, we might say that what obsesses us provides its own means of managing anxiety and loss, as, despite the cost, it offers a sense of control. For example, someone suffering from anorexia or bulimia focuses on body image as a means of exerting control in a life that feels uncontrollable. What gets worried about then; becomes its own defence against what is perceived as being potentially annihilating to our sense of self and therefore unbearable.
The work within psychotherapy is to be given the support to face what feels unbearable in ourselves. Anxiety is a normal and natural part of life. It is part of the process of moving into the unknown. This place of unknownness is an integral part of coming to understand who we really are, rather than who we have come to believe ourselves to be.
Courage is needed for this journey. However, courage here, isn’t the absence of fear, but the acknowledgement that we are at the end of the day, greater than our respective fears.