We might see psychotherapy as the process, whereby we are supported in coming to terms with the opposites of many of the things we want in our life. For example, we meet the love of our life, and over time discover she or he isn’t the god or goddess we had dreamed of and have irritating habits, or weaknesses of character. Or, we land the dream job and find we have been sat next to a work colleague who takes an instant dislike to us.
Psychotherapy is therefore a means of helping us come to terms with many of these areas of experience, which we live in hope won’t happen to us. We place all our expectant belief that somehow, with this new relationship, or with this new job that this time it will all be different.
We might view addictions as being an amplification of this process. Nobody becomes an addict to become addicted, ruin their life and become profoundly miserable. People fall into the trap of addiction, to find something better in their lives; to find more happiness and meaning for themselves. However, this comes at a price. As a life that is lived without the inclusion of opposites (e.g. the annoying work colleague that dislikes you), leads to an existence that goes in search of anything that can provide some kind of distraction or relief in the face of, what can be experienced as a crushing reality that doesn’t want to conform to our wishes.
This process goes a lot deeper though. For example, when we consider an individual who carries the burden of childhood abuse, at the hands of care givers whose responsibility was to show love and compassion. This person may have no other means of dealing with this level of wounding except to get drunk every night; take lines of cocaine or habitually find themselves in relationships which feel compulsive and uncontrollable.
Whatever structure we have created in order to bolster our fragile sense of sense, our addictive patterns end up becoming defences against the underlying angst of our past hurts, and can be viewed in some sense as failed anxiety management techniques. These wounding’s may lay dormant, out of conscious for many years, yet their legacy still rings in our ears through our addictive patterns behaviours.
My experience of working with clients with addiction issues, has been in supporting them to break this cycle of addiction, through bearing the unbearable, in consciously delving into the obsession; in allowing a space for the unassimilated parts of themselves that have remained buried for so long. It is through this process that the parts of ourselves that have brought such chaos and destruction to our lives, become the means by which we find healing. It is only then that we can find a reconciliation of opposites in our life and a real sense of wholeness. Paradoxically, we might say that addictions can be seen as an attempt to find this sense of wholeness for ourselves.